I refuse to believe that at the age of 18 you are an adult. All of a sudden, as a senior in high school, you are required to sign off on everything you do, all while you live under your parents roof. I was one of the people that was completely ready for this. I was ready to no longer be the "baby" of the family. I was ready to go and live on my own in a tiny college dorm. I had my entire life planned out. I was going to the University of Louisville, I would be a cheerleader, and I was going to be a physician assistant.
I have finished up my freshman year of college, and it was a roller coaster. Move-in-day was a day full of many emotions. For the first time, I would be on my own. I was now completely responsible for everything I did, but I felt ready. A week later, my opinion changed. Anxiety emerged and I felt as if I was stuck in a room with no door. I realized I wasn't ready for this big step. I no longer knew if my idea of a perfect life would become a reality. I felt that my struggle with being homesick would ruin my future.
Fast forward a month later, I dislocate shoulder stunting at cheerleading practice. My shoulder had been bothering me a bit, but I just ignored it. I knew it was really hurt when I went to throw a full (a tumbling pass that I have been doing since 8 years old) and almost landed on my face. I went to a doctor in Louisville, and all he did was anger me. He didn't give me the time of day. The doctor didn't even touch my shoulder but he assumed I had pulled my bicep. I have a very high pain tolerance, and had shoulder surgery just a year before that, so I knew he was wrong. I decided to go back home to see my normal Orthopedic doctor, and learned that my labrum and rotator cuff were completely torn. (which the Louisville doctor said was unheard of at my age*insert eye roll here*) I had to go through another surgery with a six month recovery. I can honestly say I was depressed. I had never felt so useless in my life. Here my dream was to cheer at Louisville, and it was demolished within a month. This was the only thing I ever wanted to do since seventh grade. I had given up so many things for cheerleading, and I now felt like I did it all for nothing. All I did was sit, eat (a lot), and cry. More importantly, I was convinced I hated the sport that I had done for 13 years.
Christmas break came and I was convinced I was not going back to Louisville, for even the second semester. As sad as it seems, this decision was based on an injury. My parents convinced me to not give up. As much as I didn't want to, I listened. I went back to school and decided that it was time to fight. I began tumbling a bit, even though I was not supposed to, and began doing harder exercises with my shoulder. Because of this, I was released from my injury a month early. I ended up competing with my Gym Tyme team at five competitions. I had overcome my injury, my state of depression, and my "hate" of cheerleading.
I had two other painful events that happened in my life this year. In January, I got a call from my dad saying my brother had fallen off a third story balcony in Thailand--where he had his wedding/honeymoon. I was confused. Here I was, sitting in my dorm in Louisville hearing that my brother had just been in a terrible accident half way around the world. At first we didn't have much information and all I wanted to do was be with my family, which I couldn't. He ended up breaking his back and practically destroying his leg. Thankfully, I am able to tell you that he is now walking, playing golf, and even playing kickball. God was defiantly watching out for him. (Interesting fact: Thailand doesn't believe in pain medication. My brother was allowed one round of morphine, other wise, he had the equivalent of extra strength Tylenol. Basically, he is pretty tough.)
Tragedy struck in March while I was at a cheerleading competition. I found out that my Gramps had passed away. My parents decided not to tell me until after I competed the first day, even though I had suspicion that something was wrong. I finished competing and looked on my mom's phone and found out that he had passed away. That was not how I wanted to find out. Even though Gramps was very frail, and had trouble speaking, I never expected him to pass away this soon. He was very quite, but I loved trying to start conversations with him and figuring out what he was saying. When I would figure it out, I would see a little smile on his face. He also loved my dog, Bella, and Bella loved Gramps. When we would bring her over to my grandparents house, Bella stayed on his lap the entire time. My favorite memory of Gramps would have to be after my Grandmother had her hip surgery. She was in a nursing home, so we took him over to see her. As we were leaving, Gramps was putting on his coat and lost his footing. As he was about to fall on Grandmother, she yelled in the most southern voice you could think of, "JIMMY! JIMMY! YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT ME JIMMY! JIMMY, JIMMY!" You could see the annoyance on his face as he turned around, put his finger to his lips, and as loud as he could said, "SHHHH!" He then turned around and laughed louder than I had ever seen him laugh.
Throughout my freshman year, I realized that I really don't know what I want to do with my life. I have no clue what occupation I want to have after college. I have switched from wanting to become a physician assistant to being a nurse, to being physical therapist, to maybe even majoring in marketing. I grew up a lot throughout my freshman year, mainly by realizing that I don't have to be completely independent right now. I need to have fun and take whatever God throws at me. He is going to take me through so many journeys, and at that very moment, I didn't have a clue what He is doing. I felt like I was being punished, but I didn't understand why. As much as you want to know the plan God has for you, all you can do is walk through life and try to enjoy every adventure that you come across.
From my experience, your freshman year is year of growth. It is the first step into adulthood-not turning 18. Although mine was not what I wanted it to be, I know God threw me these curveballs for a reason. I am now excited for my second year of college, and can't wait to continue my life in Louisville.
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